I have lost all fixed points. I am adrift. There is no direction home.
So without book or compass, without currency or time, without the means or motivation, I must produce a re-birth. A transformation that will be witnessed by only me.
Stravaigin and smuairean.
In the last year, I saw my grandmothers ashes. I failed a young friend when he needed me most. I asked The Pig to handle a family problem for me, and she has literal scars to show for it. She hid that from me while I finished my degree. I have a lot of guilt, accordingly.
I also met my estranged family, and tried to adapt to new relatives. I rescued the old ones a few times. I moved to another country, and I know it damaged my relationships, permanently. All of them. I moved out of the flat I took ten years to pay off, and put everything I owned in storage. I did it so I could return to Cambridge, and that too seems like it might slip through my fingers.
Yesterday, I even broke a tooth. All this devastation comes with some successes too.
The nine of diamonds published a magic trick of mine in a Society of American Magicians magazine. They are also finishing their book, with a few of my tricks, and many of their elegant creations. I am proud of them, but mindful they got neglected in the fallout too.
I got some press for my work in another subject, and I am doing much public speaking about it. More importantly, that opportunity to speak allows me to affect the change I desire in my chosen profession. The media is a blunt tool, but a powerful one. Now if I can only replicate a few carefully chosen thoughts and approaches..
So my outward success is uniquely balanced by the devastation in my personal life. “I am Grimaldi.” Now, more than ever before.
I guess if you are going to win some victories for humanity, you need to crack a few teeth. To those of you damaged along the way, I owe you a lot of laughter in the sun. If you’ll forgive me, I won’t fail you.